Although there is nothing dear about you, we sure have known each other for a long time. I first met you in kindergarten. You were the only friend I had but little did I know you were no friend to me at all.
You wanted me all to yourself, isolated me from my peers and were oh so selfish. My name is Hilary but my classmates only saw you. You went by many names; fat, huge, big, obese, chunky, heavy, thick. I have lived in your shadow for sixteen years.
My family convinced me that you were just going to be around for a while. Their name for you was baby fat. I kept thinking, someday baby fat will disappear. When I grow up, baby fat will be gone. Well here I am as an adult and here you still are.
I had to work harder than every one else to make friends. No one wanted to deal with you, deal with the problems you bring to the table. I found myself doing anything and everything for friends because I didn’t want to lose them because of you.
I had to show people that behind you lies me, Hilary. Hilary, who has a heart even bigger than you. Hilary, who is passionate about anything she cares about. Hilary, who wants people to love her just as much as she loves them.
You took my chance at a boyfriend because no one found me attractive. You constantly robbed me of opportunities. The chance to go to prom, the comfort of eating in public, the freedom to do what I wanted, not what I could.
You controlled me. You stopped me from doing the things I love like riding roller coasters, spending the day roaming the mall, watersports, playing hockey, taking baths, even just sitting in chairs. You killed my desire for adventure and spontaneity.
I live everyday ashamed of you. I tried to cover you up with dark clothes and long sleeves but nothing has worked. My shame only made you stronger. The sadder I got, the more you came around. You constantly kicked me when I was down.
Maturity has shown me that you may have my body, but I control my mind. I have every right to wear what I like, not what hides what I don’t. I learned how to walk into a room with a smile, with confidence. I took some control of my life.
I have tried and tried to get rid of you completely but every time I fail. I have become too used to being a failure. Deep down, I’m not that person. I let you be a horrible friend. I let you steal from me, belittle me, hoard me. No more obesity, no more.
It’s time we break up. I have made the decision that this relationship is done. You won’t have any more chances to tell me not to sit in that chair, go on that ride, talk to that person, buy those jeans, wear a swimsuit.
Today is the day I start my journey to find Hilary and stop allowing you to control my life. I am beautiful, I am worthy and I can do this.